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When a door is closed, I shall not

scratch, pound, pull, push, yowl.

I shall sit politely and await

arrival of The Servant. I shall

clean myself thoroughly, especially

my glorious paws, before exploring

the kitchen counters. I shall restrain

myself when head-bumping; The Servant

is a fragile beast. When pinning It down,

stretching out my big beautiful body

atop The Servant, holding Its neck

between my paws, I shall purr magnificently

to assure It I intend no harm. When

patting Its face, to remind It of some

neglected duty, I shall keep my claws

retracted. I shall not sharpen those

claws on furniture, rugs, or The Servant’s

legs; but shall accept Its preference

for oddly shaped posts. I shall torment

the dogs only when The Servant

is away. Or not looking. I shall rule

with benevolence.