WATERMARK

a poet’s notebook

Established 02004

January 25, 2012

An Anger Rant . . .

. . . from Nevermore, who posted this in the Art Journal Caravan gallery:

"Warning: TMI Rant. For the first time since Joe's terminal illness was diagnosed, I am angry. With everyone, including Joe. Yes, even Max is making me mad right now.

"We are currently undergoing a series of stages that are each progressively worse and the collective reaction has been a massive head in the sand. Just one of the sources of anger is all of the people who keep offering me support: Just name it and we will do it. Frankly, if I could name it, I would do it myself.

"I am too tired, disjointed, unorganised to think of stuff. I have had about twenty offers of support over the past two days, the vast majority completely and totally useless. It isn't rocket science, really.

"(I am bad tempered but this is kind of off the charts for me. I guess I feel completely alone and I do wish all these 100% well meaning people would stop deluding themselves that they are actually doing anything and do something instead of making me take energy I don't have to reassure them that I am grateful for all their support but, really, I can't think of anything for you to do. Subtext: not because there isn't anything but because I can't think).

"I really do see the positive intentions, but this is my anger soliliquoy and I am going to let myself be angry."

Journaling: I would like everyone to stop asking me what they can do for me: Like I need to add scheduling your support to my to-do list so you can feel better. Does ANYONE see how exhausted I am? For crying out loud, drop by and make the beds or a pot of coffee. STOP asking me to figure it out. I am too tired.

CREDITS:

Background: Sausan Designs "Zapp Papers" which are letter size with Tangie Baxter "Keep Moving Forward" boxes overlay and Tangie Baxter "AJC" checked border and "Rub Ons". Smiley Face, suitably altered: Christina Renee "Plethora". I did try to use puppet warp to tranform the smile but it was beyond my current skills. Asterisks: Sausan Designs "Big Girl Panties". Font: Tangie Baxter "Alice".

******

My thanks to Nevermore for permission to post this. I know she is not alone in her struggle with these cirumstances, and these feelings.

Friends & Family

2 responses to “An Anger Rant . . .”

Jacqui MacNeill (Escents Aromatherapy Bath and Body)

January 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I remember reading once that about a woman who helped a family in your situation by organizing for everyone in the neighbourhood to make and freeze a bunch of casseroles so that the family would have a constant supply of food they could easily make when needed. The women didn’t ask as far as I know, unless it was to make sure there weren’t any allergies.
You’re right though. It’s much better when people just take the initiative rather than forcing the family in need to reach out (often feeling guilty about doing so). Hope people start reaching out properly to help you.

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Leigh Ann

January 25, 2012 at 9:53 pm

i heard of one guy, who, upon hearing of a death in the family, would stop by and shine everyones shoes, so that they would be ready for the service.
My variation of this theme? Stop by with toilet paper…for all the company that comes by…
For chronic illness? Thats tougher,but I love your comment about making the beds or making a pot of coffee…so simple, so good.

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Ancestral (Artificial )Intelligence

I do not use AI to write. For me, writing is how I think, and I prefer to do it myself. If/when I post anything here that I suspect or know to be AI generated, I will tell you.

I have changed this from Artificial to Ancestral, after Abi Awomosu @ Substack. This medium was made with human history, human thought. All of it, bright and dark. It is ancestral.

Poems

Please do not assume that I am the speaker/ subject of my poems.

In these times of creative nonfiction and fictionalized memoirs, I think of the poem itself as true fiction: it is most likely not factual, but it must be true.

It is likely to be — it is best if it is — a truth I did not know before I wrote, and may not understand even then.

A poem is my way of discovering (dis-covering) what I feel; sometimes, what I think — but it is not necessarily biographical.

An Anger Rant . . .

2 responses to “An Anger Rant . . .”

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