WATERMARK

a poet’s notebook

Established 02004

October 3, 2006

Queen of Denial

This past week I’ve been reminded of my most consistent — and often effective — coping mechanism: denial. As long as I do almost nothing, I can pretend, at some level, that I’m not actually ill; not truly impaired. I’m just taking it easy. That’s all.

But then something comes along that I really want to do. That I do.

And then comes the payback — days of pain and inertia; that wall of fatigue.

Do I want to stay inert, and so find comfort in denial?

Or do I want to try harder, do more, and be reminded?

Managing

6 responses to “Queen of Denial”

Sylvia

October 4, 2006 at 11:08 am

Well put. I go back and forth between the two. A mirror of the push-crash cycle.

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SB

October 4, 2006 at 11:37 am

the push-crash cycle

I’ve never heard that before. Perfect!

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AscenderRisesAbove

October 5, 2006 at 6:02 pm

perhaps because so many people you talk to are in denial about it that it is easier to be so yourself?

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SB

October 5, 2006 at 6:35 pm

Ah, interesting idea.

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Sue

October 11, 2006 at 2:15 pm

Yes, this is the ever-present balancing act we live with, isn’t it? Even when you fully understand the consequences, it’s so hard to moderate your activity level on days when you feel good.

Sue

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Prairie Mary

October 15, 2006 at 6:11 am

Selfishly, I am grateful you are not a world-class tennis player, because then this mysterious condition would rob us of your talent. Instead, somehow your major poetic gift and fine eye for photos are not removed by your limitations, but rather perhaps concentrated and purified. Therefore, I shall think of you as an Empress of Celebration.

Personally, at 67 I’m running into the limitations of aging, which are not so different from CFS and fibromyalgia except that age is creeping in and in and there is no cure. So I celebrate readng and writing — the hell with the housework. Anyone can do that. I did rake the leaves up from the entire yard and today I can hardly move. Good excuse for not getting out of my chair on what may be the last warm Sunday.

Prairie Mary

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Ancestral (Artificial )Intelligence

I do not use AI to write. For me, writing is how I think, and I prefer to do it myself. If/when I post anything here that I suspect or know to be AI generated, I will tell you.

I have changed this from Artificial to Ancestral, after Abi Awomosu @ Substack. This medium was made with human history, human thought. All of it, bright and dark. It is ancestral.

Poems

Please do not assume that I am the speaker/ subject of my poems.

In these times of creative nonfiction and fictionalized memoirs, I think of the poem itself as true fiction: it is most likely not factual, but it must be true.

It is likely to be — it is best if it is — a truth I did not know before I wrote, and may not understand even then.

A poem is my way of discovering (dis-covering) what I feel; sometimes, what I think — but it is not necessarily biographical.

Queen of Denial

6 responses to “Queen of Denial”

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