The mantle clock has stopped.
It balks at the key. Its pendulumswings, and stills. Grey sky enfolds
our mountains. I burrow further downinto this soft bedding. What holds me
up in this universe of space? A stoppedclock, a dark moon, a mirror reflecting
an empty room. This star lights my day,and these, my long nights. Moon, dark moon,
come out from our shadow. Moon, I miss you.
a poet’s notebook
Snapshot 01 March 02006
5 responses to “Snapshot 01 March 02006”
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Excellent!! Did you purposely shape the poem like that?
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I love your snapshot poems. A discipline I am thinking of adopting, for Lent. Which I recently learned means “lengthen.”
Are you sure this one doesn’t end after “room”? -
Cathy — I didn’t; the line breaks that seemed right took me there — but I’m not happy with its shape.
Erin — I’m not sure! I’m not even sure where it starts. I’m not at all sure about the grey sky.
But I’m sure that the weekly snapshot is a good discipline. -
I like the first three couplets a lot; the opening is especially strong. The ending doesn’t do it justice, though – sentimental, dangerously close to cliché, IMO. (If I didn’t love your work so much, i wouldn’t venture to criticize!)
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Hey, please venture!
I may post a rewrite of this soon. I did get a bit whimsical there at the end, didn’t I?
/latest comments
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