Last week’s topics included listening, perfectionism, risk, and jealousy. Risk
is an interesting one for me. I realized quite young that I was risk
aversive; I like comfort, and safety. I recognized that many people
settle into a job or a place early on, get comfortable, and never move
— physically, intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually — and that
I could easily become one of those people.

So I have, many
times, grit my teeth and jumped — into some job or place or work —
or relationship — that was new and frightening for me. I have few
regrets. Especially now, that health limits my options so severely.

Jump when you can, I say.

Perfectionism and jealousy
have been issues for me at times, and I suppose there are remnants
(especially of the first) (no, wait — I envy people who are old and
healthy and strong) — but I’ve had a long time to live with my
shortcomings; a long time to remedy, modify, or accept them.

And then there is listening. Here is another quote from Ted Kooser’s The Poetry Home Repair Manual:

Jane Hirshfield wrote: "A work of art defines itself into being, when
we awaken into it and by it, when we are moved, altered, stirred. It
feels as if we have done nothing, only given it a little time, a little
space; some hairline-narrow crack opens in the self, and there it is."
She goes on to quote Kafka: "You do not even have to leave your room.
Remain sitting at your table and listen. do not even listen, simply
wait. Do not even wait, remain still and solitary. The world will
freely off itself to you unasked. It has no choice. It will roll in
ecstasy at your feet."

Go talk with Jane here.

I
decided, on impulse, to go out on an artist date — and the car
wouldn’t start. Mysteriously. So I called Kris and asked if, sometime
when she was out and about, she could drop by her battery charger. She
came the next day, with the charger, and the harp she has built (from a
kit) for Abigail. This harp has a big, round voice. Kris was going to play just a little, but I wheedled.

When
I asked, Kris explained that the reason recorded music does not turn my
bones to butter, like live music does, is that recorded music lacks
overtones, especially music recorded to compact discs. This,
apparently, is the essence of the debate about vinyl vs. cd’s.

So. Abundance.