This piece deals graphically with the subject of sexual abuse/ assault.
Be warned.
1
I was the woman they needed
I was the woman they hated
because I was the woman they needed
mother sister lover
the daughter
they held down in her bed
they said
women have all the power
only they said
cunt
they wanted me to love them
they wanted me to fear them
I watched my rear view mirror all the way home
I wanted them to be healed
I wanted them to die in prison
I wanted them to die
2
they were men who had done nothing wrong because they waited
until their daughters developed
and were women
they were men who had done nothing wrong because
they never touched her after she was five
and might remember
they were men who had done nothing wrong because they stopped
when their daughters were old enough
to get pregnant
they were men who had done nothing wrong because she was adopted
so it wasn’t really
incest
they were men who had done nothing wrong because
she was his own
blood
they were men who had done nothing wrong because having sex as children
with their own father/mother/uncle/coach/ had done them
no harm
they were men who raped their daughters and said
at least I never cheated
on my wife
they were men who raped women and said
at least I’m no
child molester
they were men who raped little girls and said
at least I’m no
queer
they were men who molested boys and said
at least I’m no
rapist
3
they were blaine, jim, bob, gary, phil, jonathan, paul, and paul, and paul
they were the boy left bleeding from his anus in a motel room when he was 10
they were the boy sold to his mother’s customers when he was 3
they were the boys loved by priests
they were the boy who smothered to death a 9 year old girl
after raping her with a tennis ball
when he was 13
they were the man who went to his childrens’ beds
as he went to the refrigerator for a snack
they were the boy beaten repeatedly by his father
who picked him up each time he fell
and beat him
again
they were the man
enraged at his wife
who raped and raped and raped his stepdaughter
on the concrete floor
in the basement
they were the man who hung himself in the bathroom
after being released from prison and finding
baby-raper
written on the door of his apartment
they were the man who loved only children
who asked me
how would you feel if they told you
you can never have sex
again?
If you knew that no one will ever touch you
there
again?
they were the man with 23 known victims
all boys 7-9 year old blondes with blue eyes
who told me
all the good things he did for those poor children
inadequate mothers and no fathers in the home
and how he had loved them all until they weren’t
7-9 years old
anymore
they were the man who shot himself in front of his wife and son
after calling a women’s shelter for help and being refused
because
he was a man
they were the man who woke from a week of drinking
covered with blood
beneath his wife’s
mutilated
body
they were the man who cried after four years in treatment
when he realized that the child he thought was asleep when he molested her
wasn’t
they were the man who raped all four of his daughters for sixteen years
and then assaulted another man in group
for taking the name of the lord in vain
they were the sweet slow boy who raped his teacher’s 10 year old daughter
after a failing grade when he was 12 and free
at 18 he attacked my friend with a knife
and when she told me a stranger had assaulted her
I knew who it was
4
I knew who he was
he was my father
he was my boyfriend
he was my grandfather
he was my uncle
he was my doctor
he was my brother’s best friend
he was my best friend’s brother
he was my cousin
he was my lover
he was my friend
5
I loved him
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